stress balloons demo

This is a video of teens making stress balloons in an effort to reduce the stress teen may feel during their adolescent years.  Making stress balloons is a fun activity to do with the  teens in your life and a great way to spend some extra time with them.  Stress balloons are easy to make, just follow the simple instruction on the video.  Enjoy!

Book Review - Get Out of My Life

     In the book Get Out of My Life, but first could you drive me and Cheryl to the mall, Anthony E. Wolf discusses some of the challenges that teenagers go through and how to handle them.  Wolf originally wrote the book in 1991, but then revised it in 2002 since much has changed in the way teenagers are now raised. Wolf has his Ph.D. and works with children and adolescents. He is a practicing clinical psychologist and does many lectures on parenting topics. Wolf has also experience raising teenagers of his own. Unlike some parenting books, it does not list a set of rules for raising teenagers. Instead, Wolf provides concrete suggestions on how to deal with a wide range of teenage issues.  Wolf describes issues that teens go through such as why they do what they do,  friends,  dealing with daily life, communication, controlling a teenager, conflicts, divorce, school, sex, drugs, suicide, and the electronic world. In each section it gives examples of conversations and situations that may come up between a teenager and their parent. The book also discusses the different ways in which girls and boys act.

     I think this is a great book for parents who are getting ready to raise a teenager or who is raising a teen.  Because there are so many situations played out, it helps parents to relate their situations with their teens so they can get ideas on how to react and what to do.  The situations that Wolf discusses are definitely ones that happen between many teenagers and their parents. There were several times that I would laugh because I would remember how I was as a teenager and some of the things that I would say to my parents. In one section that discussed how teenagers take parents for granted the mom said, “What am I, a robot parent” and the daughter simply replied, “You’re my parent.” There were many times that I felt like my mom should do everything that I wanted her to just because she was my mom and that was her job.

                

     This book is very well written and has a nice flow to it. The book begins describing how the teenager has changed in the past couple of decades. It then goes into the various sections giving scenarios, how to handle them, and what a teenager is thinking.  Overall this is a great book to read. Teenagers have changed over years between the situations that now come up, such as the digital world, and how teens have become entitled.  This is a great book for parents to relate to their teen and know how to handle the various situations they are given.

-Tiffany

Help Teens Develop a Positive Identity

Reader Question:  "What do you suggest parents do to help their teens develop a sense of identity? I know this is an important part of their development and there are probably some things parents should NOT do as well. Can you tell me what the research says?"

One of my favorite books to reference, for so many parenting subjects, is John Gottman's book "Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child."  In it he states:

     "The teen years are a period marked by great concern with questions of identity:  Who am I?   What am I becoming?  Who should I be?  Don't be surprised, therefore, if your child seems to become totally self-absorbed at some point in adolescence.  His interest in family matters will wane as his relationships with friends take center stage.  After all, it is through his friendships that he will discover who he is outside the familiar confines of home.  And yet, even within his peer relationships, a teenager's focus is usually on himself (Gottman, 1997)."

How many of us parents get totally frustrated with our self-absorbed child?  I love that this reminds us that this is part of their development and finding of self and that we as parents need to realize this and help to guide them through the process.  "Teens are on a journey of self-discovery and they are constantly steering, first in one direction and then another, trying to find a way that's true.  They experiment with new identities, new realities, new aspects of self.  Such exploration among teenagers is healthy (Gottman, 1997)."

Parents roles need to change from being a "manager" to their teenage child to the act of being a consultant.  The following are John Gottman's suggested ways we can do this:

1.  Accept that adolescence is a time for children to separate from their
     parents.

Because the teen years are a time of individuation, know that your teen may choose styles of dress, haircuts, music, art, and language that you don't care for.  Remember that you don't need to approve of your child's choices, you only need to accept them.

2.  Show respect for your teenager.

I would encourage you to avoid teasing, criticism, and humiliation.  Communicate your values to your child, but do it in a way that's brief and nonjudgmental.  Nobody likes to be preached to, least of all teenagers.

3.  Provide your child with a community
    
Because we cannot be all things to our children - and especially not during adolescence - I advise parents to give their children the support of a caring community.  It may be through a synagogue, a church, a school, or a neighborhood group.  It may simply be through your extended family or an informal network of friends.  The point is, be sure your kids have access to other adults who share your ethics and ideals.

4.  Encourage independent decision making while continuing to be
     your child's Emotion Coach.

Express confidence in your child's judgment and resist speculating about possibly disastrous outcomes as a warning.  Allowing your teen to make unwise (but not unsafe) decisions from time to time.  Teens can learn as much from mistakes as they can from their successes.  Stay aware of what's going on in your child's life.  Accept and validate your child's emotional experiences  When there is a problem, lend an ear and listen empathetically, without judgement.  And be an ally when he comes to you for help with a problem.

~Tami

References:

Gottman, J. (1997). Raising an emotionally intelligent child. (pp. 208-213). New York, NY: Simon & Schuster

Positive Youth Development

In this presentation I am going to discuss positive youth development. Positive youth development is used to help youth reach their full potential. Research shows that the more exposure adolescents have to positive experiences, the more likely they will develop positively. Physical and institutional resources, such as family support, are essential for positive youth development. Also individual assets, such as skills, talents and resiliency are also important. These provide adolescents with routines and structure to help achieve. This presentation is going to go over the "Five C's" of positive youth development. It will also go over the "6th C," which occurs when a child is thriving. Eating dinner together as a family and having a child participate in after school activities is important in positive development.

-Tiffany


Zarrett, N.,  & Lerner, R. (2008). “Ways to Promote Positive Development of Children and Youth.” A Child Trends Research Brief. 

Parenting Teens Blog Recommendation

          On a recent Google search for tips on parenting teens, I came across a very informative blog on this important stage in one’s life.  It is titled Parenting Teens Info and is a place to go for products, programs, and resources on information when dealing with teens. Appling the principals found here can be useful for parents, educators and youth group leaders.

          I especially like the weekly “2 minute tips for parenting teens”.   This enables a parent to quickly read or listen to a well composed thought on topics from parental fears to kids going off to college.  The topics discussed are useful and beneficial; they are a good reminder and show the importance of being a warm and involved parent.  Even a very busy parent can spend a quick two minutes a week developing into a better parent, by incorporating the skills suggested on this site into their relationships with their children.

          The author of this Blog is Sue Blaney, a Certified Professional Behavior Analyst, columnist, author and parent, offering lectures and workshops to schools, parents and community groups.  Her topics are well developed, easy to read, informative and practical in strengthening family relationships. The plus here is the ability to hear an audio of the post presented by the author in an articulate manner.

          I have enjoyed reading and becoming more familiar with this blog and consider it to be a valuable source of information for parents of teens.

~Peggy

http://www.parentingteensinfo.com/category/blog/

Positive and Effective Communication Between Parents and Their Teens

The purpose of this video is to provide parents a way to approach their teenagers when faced with a negative situation. There are two concepts to think about and I will provide an example of each in the video.

1st Concept: "Explain rather than order"

• If parents order their teenagers to do something without any explanation as to why they have to do it then they can get frustrated and act more negatively toward the situation.

2nd Concept: "Listen do not lecture"

• If parents lecture their children on what they did wrong and do not leave any room for input from them then the child will feel like their parents do not really care what they have to say, which listening to them can be very affective for both parenting and children's learning when you give them a chance to explain.

Teenagers will learn from their mistakes if it is dealt with through conversation and mutual understanding rather than a parent going directly to punishment.

Reference: Faber, A., & Mazlish, E. (2005). How to Talk So Teens Will Listen & Listen So Teens Will Talk. New York, New York, United States: HarperCollins Publishers.

~Kim

Surviving (Your Child’s) Adolescence

Parents have the job of absorbing and understanding novel, complex, and rapidly changing, uncertain information. At the same time they are called on to parent consistently, appropriately, and effectively. In other words, what parents need to know about parenting, children, and childhood is complicated and has real-life consequences every day (Bornstein, Cote, Haynes, Hahn & Park, 2010).

Parents generally rely on familiar and proximal sources to provide needed parenting information and support; that is, parents turn first and most often to family and friends. Then, they supplement advice from personal social networks and online sources.  As geographic mobility and age segregation have increased, the availability of grandparents, other relatives, and close neighbors—traditional sources of guidance to young parents—has decreased.  Therefore, blogs and online sites are often used by parents to share parenting ideas as well as gain information when faced with parenting dilemmas (Roberts & Foehr, 2008).

With the knowledge that parents frequently turn to websites and blogs for information, it is important that we make sure we are receiving accurate information; therefore, I am recommending Psychology Today’s blog:  Surviving (Your Child’s) Adolescence:  Welcome to the hard half of parenting by Carl Pickhardt, Ph.D.

Although sources are not included at the end of his posts, he uses ideas from his practice with actual patients to provide the reader with real life solutions.

Posts are available each Monday and really have some thought provoking content.  Some of the subjects discussed are:

         
          * Adolescence and Stealing from Family

          * Adolescence and Entitlement
          * Early Adolescence and the Negative Mindset

Dr. Pickhardt suggests great ideas of how to deal with your teen and practical ways to manage your daily contact with your child.  This is a great site that I refer to often and hope you will enjoy it as well.

~Tami

Sources
*********************************
Bornstein, M. H., Cote, L. R., Haynes, O. M., Hahn, C. S., & Park, Y. (2010). Parenting knowledge: Experiential and sociodemographic factors in european american mothers of young children.

Pickhardt, C. (2012, April 02). Surviving (your child's) adolescence. Retrieved from http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/surviving-your-childs-adolescence.

Roberts, D. F., & Foehr, U. G. (2008). Trends in media use. The Future of Children , 18(1), 11-37.

Accepting the Unexpected Disclosure of a Gay Teen

                                Parenting at times is challenging, each child is unique in temperament, goals and abilities.  There is never a dull day when it comes to parenting.  Parents are surprised daily with bugs, snakes, and piercings, but what takes place when a child reveals a desire for a same sex relationship?

                                A rising number of teens are revealing their sexual orientation to their parents earlier than in previous generations.   Declaring one’s sexuality during adolescents has resulted, for some, in negative consequences from their family.  Gay and lesbian teens have experienced family violence, rejection and risk of being banished from their homes.  Parents difficulties in accepting a path from their child that is different from what was expected, can strain the parent-child relationship, resulting in an increase of suicide, depression and isolation for the youth (Saltzburg 2004).

                                Parents describe thoughts and feelings in regards to the revelation that their adolescent is a homosexual, these emotions include a sense of loss, guilt, shame, disappointment, and self reappraisal.  Parents can come to accept their child’s choice and deal with the situation with the help of support groups and educational programs as they make the adjustment.  According to an article, Learning That an Adolescent Child Is Gay or Lesbian: The Parent Experience, advises that “Maintaining active parenting, open communication, and regulatory structures are considered critical to healthy adolescent functioning” (Saltzburg et al 2004).                  

                                Learning to accept your teen’s decision will involve many different emotions and adjustments in the words of one father, “You prepare for them being teenagers and all that’s supposed to happen.  You plan for when they’ll start dating and all that, and yeah, it’s exciting to see them grow up.  I guess it has something to do with yourself and reliving stuff.  Everything has different meaning now.  It’s like nothing will ever be the same.  We’ll look at birthdays, graduations, dreams for a wedding all different now. And it feels like you’re missing something really big.” (Saltzbury 2004)

                                Taking a positive approach to the child’s choice and meeting with others parents, as well as getting to know people from the gay community can relive some uncertain prejudices. One must always remember to put the child first and show unconditional love.

                                Acceptance is essential when parenting any child, but especially with those who are of the homosexual orientation.  Because being gay or lesbian is already “unacceptable” in our society, it is important to give your child the support they need, in order to create an environment of love where a child feels acceptance and approval.   

                ~ Peggy

                                Saltzburg, Susan:  Social work, Volume 49, Number 1, pp. 109- 118, January 2004

Bullying

           Bullying is when someone’s behavior is to make someone else feel inadequate, or to focus on belittling someone else. Bullying includes harassment, physical harm, repeatedly demeaning speech, and efforts to ostracize another person. According to statistics from Family First Aid, about 30% of teenagers in the United States have been involved in bullying. Also, younger teens are more likely to be involved in bullying than older teenagers.

Types of Bullying

There are different types of bullying which include physical bullying, verbal bullying, emotional bullying, and cyber bullying. Physical bullying is when the bully attempts to physically dominate another person. This can include kicking, punching, or other harmful activities to instill fear in the victim. Cyber bullying is a problem among some teenagers. This type of bullying is often what boys tend to favor. Verbal bullying is when someone uses demeaning language to tear down someone else. Bullies using this technique excessively tease others, say belittling things and use sarcasm to humiliate their victim in front of peers. Emotional bullying is more subtle than other types of bullying. This type of bullying is to make someone feel isolated or alone. Teenage girls often favor emotional or verbal bullying. Cyber bullying is becoming a big issue for teenagers. Cyber bullies use instant messaging, cell phone text messages, and online social networks to humiliate and embarrass others.

Effects of Bullying

There are many problems that are caused by bullying which can be seen in the victim’s future. Physical bullying can cause physical problems or injuries.  All bullying can deeply affect the victims by causing depression, drug use, and stunted social development. In some cases teens may also think about retaliation and want to attack those who bullied them.

Reducing Bullying

In order to reduce bullying, teens should be encouraged to seek friends, in person and online, who are supportive and caring. It is also important to be in a group because bullies often single out the people who are alone. It is important to have teachers or other adults to talk to bullies about appropriate behavior. The best thing that can be done for bullying victims is to make sure they are being encouraged and to help them get through their difficult time.

Prevention

            Some suggestions to address the prevention of bullying is by providing consequences for bullies to let them know that the behavior is not tolerated, giving bullies outlets and behavioral suggestions so they can channel their behavior in different ways, and by helping potential victims avoid becoming the victims of bullying behavior. Other ways to help with preventing bullying is by supervision and appropriate intervention when bullying is in progress, to teach appropriate assertiveness to those who are or may be targets of bullying.  If your child is a victim of bullying, make sure that a report is made and that the report is dealt with in a timely manner.

-Tiffany

Reference:

http://www.bullyingstatistics.org

Addiction to Technology

"Whether it was comics, telephones, movies, radio, television, video games, or the internet, it has always been assumed the media have captivated the younger generation with a level of passive engagement that is close to addiction" (Feinstein, 2009). 

 

Reader Question: There is research that suggests that teens can become addicted to video games and the internet, causing them to neglect their health, school work, and social life. How can parents tell when their teens interest has become an addiction, and what can parents do to help teens keep keep a balanced approach?

Impact of technology on teenagers lives:

• Video games require reflexive reactions - not reflective responses. Games stimulate the amygdala and neutralize the frontal lobes. Teens who engage in excessive violent video play have under active frontal lobes during and long after the game has been unplugged.
• Watching violent movies and playing violent video games may impact copycat violence in individuals. This means they could potentially repeat what interactions they are viewing on their screens.
• Students who play video games instead of reading or interacting with their environment show halting in brain development. Playing video games shows activity in the brain areas of vision and movement, whereas doing arithmetic, even simple arithmetic stimulated brain activity in both the the left and right hemispheres of the frontal lobe - the areas most associated with learning, memory, and emotion.

Signs of addiction:

• Clues that adolescents are in technology trouble can be found when they break family rules limiting the amount of technology use or sneak around to use it.
• Choosing video games and instant messaging over getting together with friends in real life, doing homework, sleeping, or become furious when asked to stop.

What can parents do:

• Identify which activities are problems and which are not. Eliminating all technology is not the solution. 
• Set reasonable limits on computer and television time and ask for your teen's input about these limits.
• Eliminate the violent video games, particularly for the young adolescent.

 Interesting facts:

• Ninety percent of teens play video games regularly.
• Only five hours per week of playing violent video games will show brain activity with aggressive thoughts. 

Reference:
Feinstein, S. (2009). Inside the Teenage Brain: Parenting a Work in Progress. Lanham, Maryland, United States: Rowman & Littlefield Education.

In response to a reader question
~Kim

Teaching your Teen about Managing their Money

I recently attended a lecture for the University of Utah's Personal Finance week presented by Rachel Cruze about Personal Finances and thought her ideas were great and wanted to share them with you.  Teaching our children the importance of handling their money is a concept that many of us do not have formal training in.

As parents, we should take the first step and make sure our kids have a savings account at a local bank or credit union.  Then when they start their first job, make sure you take them to sign up for a checking account which would give them access to a debit card (drawn directly from their checking), and then work with them to manage their finances correctly with the following ideas:



~Tami

Blog Review - Ziggy's Blog

        One of the blogs that we recommend on our site is Ziggy’s Blog. It is a good blog that is available which contains good information to parents that are raising teenagers. The author of the blog is a single mom who has dealt with a variety of issues while raising her two daughters through their teenage years. She is also going to school to be a special education teacher. The overall layout of Ziggy’s Blog is well organized and I had a good first impression when I went to the blog. The information and blog postings are easy to find and the site as a whole is very easy to navigate. The purpose of her blog is to help parents of adolescents by talking about problems that are out there. She also does some book reviews and blogs about her life with her girls. The majority of the blogs on this site are serious and they deal with various issues that are available to teenagers, but she does add in humorous stories at times as well. The author also has blog posts from her personal situations that she has had to sort out herself.

This blog is recommended to all parents, not just parents dealing with a troubled teenager. There are many issues out there that parents are not aware of that their child has to face. It has not been that long since I was a teenager and I was unaware of some problems that teenagers are dealing with.  

I am always skeptical when I start reading blogs because I never know if they are going to come from a personal point of view or if the blog will contain correct information from research. When reading the blog postings from Ziggy’s blog I was pleased to see that majority of her posts were cited and that the information came from a good source.

I feel as though the information in Ziggy’s Blog is applicable. This blog is great for anyone who is dealing with a teenager or for someone who would just like more information about the issues that teenagers are facing today.

Overall the writing of the blog is great. Ziggy’s Blog is well written and the information is outlined well. When reading the blogs, it does not take long for the reader to enjoy them and to feel a connection to the author, especially when reading the “about me” section the author has provided.

-Tiffany

Ziggy's Blog - http://ziggysblogs.blogspot.com/

Communicating with a Crazy Teen

There is so much talk in our society about how rebellious, crazy, un-controlling, careless, and selfish teenagers are. This perception gives parents the thought that they need to be stricter once their children become teenagers. Of course, not all teenagers are this way. You have to remember to not jump down their throats because they are experimenting and yes parents are the ones they need input from to lead them in the right direction, but it is not good to approach it in a negative way. 

Punishment - When and how should you punish your teenager for doing wrong?

Pick your battles! When you are having a disagreement with your teenager say this to yourself and think if what you are fighting about is worth it or not. Interactions between parents and teenagers are few, and you do not want them to remember every confrontation with you as a horrible experience. Parents should want their teenagers to feel confident in themselves, explore their options, but at the same time they need parents’ support and advice. It’s not really necessary to ground them for a month over a dirty room. Don’t punish your teenager about a low grade without talking to them first. Find out what the problem is and try to explore ways you can help to improve their grades.

Temptations - How do you keep your teenager safe without being a helicopter parent?

What is a helicopter parent you ask? It is parents who pay extremely too close attention to their child’s experiences, to the point where the child does not become independent. Teenagers are going through a lot during these years; issues concerning drinking, drugs, depression, weight issues and so much more. This is an important time where teenagers expand and try to become independent and if you are too loose and don’t care, your teenager will more than likely become rebellious. On the other hand, if you are too strict and are on their back all of the time they will feel helpless like they have no sense of self. Holding them back from certain experiences will only harm them. It is important to know where they are, who they are with, and what time to expect them home. On the blog Parenting Today’s Teens with Mark Gregston, he states the fact that the average starting age for drugs is around 7^th or 8^th grade. This may startle some parents, but you cannot jump right in at this age and lecture about it. Teenagers comprehend information more when you attach it with something meaningful to them. If you encourage your teenager to think for themselves they will be more confident and solve problems better.

Relax, be a parent and listen, don’t lecture!

 

Reference: Blog- Gregston,Mark; Parenting Today's Teens; http://www.heartlightministries.org/blogs/markgregston/  

 

Blog Recommendation: Parenting Today’s Teens with Mark Gregston (www.heartlightministries.org/blogs/markgregston/) this site gives a list of over 65 specific topics on teenage issues and issues including their parents. This blog I fully trusted because Mark Gregston has three books he has written, these include: Ten Ways to Turn Around Your Teen, Secrets to Effective Parenting, and Developing Rules and Boundaries for Your Teen.  The information on this blog was endless. As I started searching for blogs on the topic of parenting teens I made a list of topics I found in blogs; when I came across this blog it included every one that I had already written down and more. I really liked the layout of his blog because readers can find the topic they are interested in instead of having to read everything in order to find what they wanted. I will use this in my group’s blog and try to make ours more user friendly.  One of the things I read in his blog I felt was very important for parents to keep in mind “you only get a few opportunities to truly engage with your teen and every parent needs to pick battles carefully” you do not want your teen to remember every interaction with you as a parent to be a bad one.

~Kim

25 Simple Ways to Stay Close to Your Teen

1.      Eat meals with them.

2.      Ask them about their day.

3.      Be there after school.

4.      Attend Parent Teacher Conferences

5.      Have Family game night.

6.      Be available for help with homework.

7.      Attend their sporting events.

8.      Take them to school.

9.      Be approachable.

10.  Serve the community as a family.

11.  Plant a garden together.

12.  Follow their interests.

13.  Volunteer at their school.

14.  Be their Facebook friend.

15.  Provide rides for their friends.

16.  Make their favorite meal.

17.  Do yard work together.

18.  Make holidays special.

19.  Send them a text message.

20.  Spa day.

21.  Show pride in their accomplishments.

22.  Play a video game with them.

23.  Maintain Family Traditions.

24.  Spend 15 minutes nightly reading a popular book.

25.  Hug them and say I love you!

~ Peggy and her teens brainstorming for reader question response.

Book Review: Staying Connected to Your Teenager: how to keep them talking to you & how to hear what they’re really talking about

Author:  Michael Riera, PH.D.

Nothing in a parent’s life is more trying, confusing, and frustrating than raising a teenager.  They are moody, self-centered, and full of mixed messages; at least that’s the way normal, healthy teenagers behave.  That will not change.  As the parent of a teenager, you know all too well that your job entails setting limits, having big talks, enforcing consequences, helping them to learn from their mistakes, and putting them on course for a happy and successful adulthood.  Talk about an exhausting task (p. 1).

I love this introduction!  It says it all!  We as parents have a daunting task ahead of us to help guide these young people through some pretty rough years.  What I really enjoyed about this book is that it is all about connecting to your child.  Riera suggests that the number one complaint of parents of teenagers is the lack of communication.  He offers great insight in to ways we, as parents, can connect and actually learn to enjoy being around our teens.  And believe it or not, your teens may actually, deep inside, want that connection with you.  This book is not about getting your child to bend to your wishes, but to be open-minded in understanding what your child needs from you.  They are trying to be autonomous from you, to think for themselves, but they need reassurance that they are capable of managing their lives and that their parents are there when they need support.  Riera suggests that parents look at their roles as changing from manager to consultant; both very critical roles, but very different.

Sample of topics covered:

           

            *the best time to talk to your teen is on their schedule:  late at night

            *teen sleep patterns

            *adolescent narcissism

*giving up on lectures and advice

*self-esteem through integrity

Conclusion:  I really enjoyed this book.  It flowed very easily, as if you were having an actual conversation with the author.  He uses many examples from issues actual parents have dealt with and written about.  I found myself reliving the teen years of my own children and the issues we dealt with and are continuing to deal with. 

I would highly recommend this book.  It was insightful, well written and easy to associate with.  It was full of suggestions which could easily be incorporated into your interactions with your teens without them thinking something was up.

~Tami

Sex Education - Reader Question Response

                According to the Youth Risk Behavior Surveillance Survey, nearly half of adolescents have had vaginal intercourse, and 38.5% of those sexually active do not use condoms and only 16% use a birth control pill.  The survey also shows that students are likely to have had sex before age 13, have four or more sexual partners, and to have never been taught about sexually transmitted diseases in school. Mental health professionals are also seeing an increase in the number of preteens having sex too soon. They also reported that some of the preteens who are considering themselves virgins have had oral sex 50 or 60 times. Adolescents are also turning to electronics by sending sexual messages and pictures via text or email to express their sexuality.

A question from a reader asked about sex education in the school system. She asked what the research said about educating teens about sex education and if the schools should teach sex education or abstinence only programs. Sex education has been an ongoing debate for many years. Abstinence only programs are a federally funded program which began in 1981 when the federal government funded the programs despite overwhelming research proving they are ineffective. Funding for these unproven programs grew exponentially from 1996 until 2009 when Congress allocated over one and a half billion dollars into abstinence only programs.  Despite all of the money that has went to promote abstinence-until-marriage programs, research shows that these programs do not reduce the incidence of unprotected vaginal sex, number of partners, or sexual initiation.

There are three types of programs that are taught in various schools in the country. The first is a curriculum-based sexuality program. This program was developed to reduce adolescent sexual activity, pregnancy, and STDs. These programs also offer positive information about condoms and other contraceptives. The second program is abstinence only, which focuses on the importance of abstinence from sexual intercourse, typically until marriage. The abstinence only programs either do not discuss contraception or they emphasize the limitations of condoms and contraceptives in protecting against pregnancy and STDs. Research shows that abstinence only education may delay intercourse for a short time, however, when the youth does participate in sexual behaviors. The third program is a comprehensive program which encourages both abstinence and the use of condoms and/or contraceptives. Comprehensive programs have a very clear message that not having sex is the safest choice. They put emphasis on skill-building and role-playing, they teach how to use condoms, and they encourage people not to have sex. These programs have been shown to delay the age at which teens first have sex, reduce the number of sexual partners they have, and increase their use of condoms. The comprehensive programs have no evidence of resulting in an increase in sexual activity.

It is important that school and parents work together to teach adolescents about sex. Although it is difficult for a parent to think about their own children wanting to have sex, it is important that parents talk to their children about sex. Because talking to teens about sex can be embarrassing for the parent and/or the teen, it is good to practice in front of a mirror or with your partner to get comfortable talking about it. Parents’ goal when talking to their children about sex should be to give information to them and not to extract information from them. Even if kids act like they don’t care or act like they are not listening, they probably are, so continue to talk to kids about it.

-Tiffany

References:

Jayson, S. (2011). “Talk sex, even if your kids tune you out.” USA Today.
Lickona, T. (2000). “Bringing parents into the picture.” Education Leadership.
Malone, P. (2010). “Comprehensive sex education vs. abstinence only until marriage programs.”
Realini, J. (2010). “Evaluations of Big Decisions.” Journal of Sex & Martial Therapy.

Homework and More Homework

Homework begins to increase with adolescents, this in part is due to the additional classes being taught in middle school, where much more is expected than in the primary grades.  At my home our evenings became chaotic with the amount of time spent doing homework, I felt as if homework was the only activity my children and I participated in as a family.  The completion of homework each night was a struggle, this was not how I envisioned parenthood!  Making positive changes to our routine were necessary to insure a warmer and accepting home environment, I began seeking ways to resolve our dilemma.

  In an article by Canter and Canter entitled Involving Parents in the Homework Process, they confess that “parents complain that homework is often the greatest cause of conflict between them and their children.”  This statement is so true, I have been involved in a few conflicts with my teens regarding homework, and unfortunately many other families have had the same experience.   It appears that after a day at school, teens would like to spend some time doing other activities, as well parents would like more time to interact with their teens in an activity of their choosing.

 Being a single parent or part of a two parent working household presents challenges for spending quality time with your adolescent.  This can be compounded during the school year when students are expected to complete homework assignments.  Many Parents are returning home from work during the dinner hour and rush to put together a nutritious meal, eat as a family, drive kids to lessons and hope for quality time to spend with their children in a relaxing way.    Much of this limited time together is spent on homework assignments, the quest of any good parent would be for our children to have the best education available to them, with that being said, time spent on homework must be upbeat, motivating and inviting.

 Canter and Canter believe that homework can be instrumental in boosting a child’s self esteem, explaining that “when parent and child work together, the child knows that he is important enough for the parent to stop what s/he’s doing, pay attention, and get involved.”  We can all agree with the authors that parental involvement will increase positive feelings a child may have about him or herself.  We can encourage our teens to place high value on homework by following a few homework tips from the article:

1)   Set up a quiet study area accommodating to that child’s learning style, with proper lighting and school supplies.

2)   Create a homework survival kit with pencils, pens, ruler, markers, colored pencils, poster board, glue, scissors and a pencil sharpener.

3)   Schedule daily homework time as soon as possible after school and when a parent can be available to assist with assignments.

4)   Encourage children to work independently using resources available to them first and then if needed ask a parent for help.

5)    Motivate children with praise, inspire them to have a sense of pride in personal achievements.

This article also offers other valuable information to incorporate in to study time.  The strain of homework can also be diminished by starting early on assignments and breaking them down into smaller steps, this can reduce the stress some students may feel when deadlines near.  Parents can ensure good results when a teen is involved in a pre determined plan of action for times when homework is forgotten at school or not completed in a timely manner.  Incentives and praise are a very important part of keeping a teen engaged in their school work and completing assignments on time, continued acknowledgement of their accomplishments are sure to encourage continued good homework habits.

Here's hoping that time spent on homework at your house is a positive experience for both parent and teen!

-Peggy

 References:

Canter, Lee and Canter, Marlene. (2001) Parents On Your Side: A Teacher’s Guide to Creating Positive Relationships with Parents. Chapter 7, Involving Parent in the Homework Process. (pg 87-112)  Bloomington, Indiana:  Solution Tree

Transitions For Teenagers

There are many transitions going on in teenagers lives. Transitions into Middle and High School are two of the most important and probably the ones parents need help with the most. I will go through both of these transitions in the child's perspective and also provide tips for parents to help their teenagers move through these transitions.

Middle School: One of the first transitions your teenager will go through is entering into Middle or Jr. High School. This can be very scary for teenagers. In many ways middle school is more demanding and expects more from students. The friends they made in elementary school may not be going to the same middle school, which makes it even harder for them to adjust to this transition. Teenagers want to fit in, but sometimes it is hard to make that first step.

Tips for Parents: Some things parents can do to make it a little easier is to talk to them about the process of entering into middle school. Let them know what is going to change and what is expected of them. Try not to make it look like it is a huge change in their lives because this could cause them to have a harder time adjusting. If you let them smoothly go through this transition they will be better off. Stay involved and ask them how their day was and what they learned. Take advantage of the visits that are offered before the school years starts. Let them get familiar with the school so they feel less nervous the first day of school.

High School: Transitioning to High School can be a little easier because they have experienced it before. Although they have experienced transition from one school to the next, High School can be frightening in many ways. Again, the friends they may have made in Jr. High may not be going to the same high school and they have to make new friends. Some can take this very hard because they do not feel comfortable with out someone they confided in so much in Jr. High.

Tips for Parents: It is important to let your teenager explore and hang out with friends. Keeping a close watch is good so you make sure they are not getting into trouble. Be careful not to be helicopter parents (parents who are over protective and do not allow their child to be independent). Believe it or not teenagers need you to care for them. When you don't ask questions they become too resilient and out of control, but when you care and ask questions they actually like knowing you care for them.

Good to know: Teenagers are going through a lot during these transitions and it can be hard to sort out everything that is going on inside of their heads. Just be a parent and listen to what they have to say and provide feedback to make them feel more comfortable. Its good to know my parent is being a parent!
 

Reference: Feinstein, S. (2009). Inside the Teenage Brain: Parenting a Work in Progress. Lanham, Maryland, United States: Rowman & Littlefield Education.

~Kim

Families that Play Together

When our family was young my husband and I decided to establish Saturday as a play day for our family.  Friday’s were “early out” days at our elementary school, so Friday’s after school our kids came home and we got our chores done.  This left Saturday’s free to spend time together as a family doing something fun together.  We held a family council monthly where each child, we had three, was able to decide on an activity they wanted to participate in, and mom and dad got the final Saturday or Saturday’s if there happened to be five in a given month.  We found activities that need not cost money, but provided opportunities for our family to grow closer together and create happy memories.

These weekly outings developed a tradition in our family.  Now as our children are older and busy with their own lives, they still want to know what we are doing on Saturday. 

           
           “Successful families do things together:  family projects, work, vacations, recreation, and reunions.”  “Build traditions of family vacations and trips and outings.  These memories will never be forgotten by your children.”  “There is a great need for family recreation and cultural activities together.  We should do things together as a family.  If families could only seek their recreation and cultural activities more as a family unit, I am sure that untold benefits and blessings would accrue” (Benson, 1988).

The following are some ideas for family outings from the book A Season to Strengthen the Family:

SPORT ACTIVITIES: 

Hold a family sports activity such as a softball game, basketball game, volleyball game, touch football game, or a game of kickball, or soccer.  Go swimming.  Play Frisbee or Frisbee golf (miniature golf with a Frisbee).  Go miniature golfing, play beach volleyball, or broom hockey.  Go hiking or on a family bike trip.  Watch a team sporting event.  Hold a crazy Olympics or goofy track meet.  Play ping pong round robin style, or a game of badminton.  Have a tennis tournament.  Go bowling.

PARK ACTIVITIES:

Take picnics to the park, the mountains, or the beach.  Go to a park, or explore different parks in your city.  Fly kites.  Go for a nature walk, to an amusement park, to a water park.  Visit scenic gardens, a wildlife preserve, an aquarium, or sea park.  Take a trip to the zoo, or to a national park or monument.  Have a family camp-out, or go fishing.

BACKYARD AND HOME ACTIVITIES:

Play croquet or backyard games like Mother-May-I and Red-Light, Green-Light.  Plan and hold a family treasure hunt.  Sleep out in your back yard under the stars.  Have a family barbeque or backyard campout.  Have a crazy mixed-up dinner or play board games on a rainy day.  Practice and put on a family play, or make a family movie.  Participate in a family arts and crafts activity.  Have a family bake-off or make a family quilt.  Have specific activities for individual holidays.

SIDE TRIPS AND OUTINGS:

Go to a movie.  Visit a museum, a historical site, a factory or shop where they make something special.  Visit a farm, a planetarium, or a hands-on science museum.  Go sight seeing, have lunch or dinner out, go for ice cream or milk shakes.  Visit a local college and look at any exhibits they might have.  Go to the library.  Visit the airport, a train station, a fire station, a police station, a television or radio station, a post office, or a newspaper printing press.  Tour places of business that interest your kids.

COMMUNITY AND CULTURAL ACTIVITIES:

Attend a concert, dance performance, or play in your community.  Participate in an “arts in the park” activity.  Participate in city and state celebrations or historical commemorations.  Go to parades and fireworks events as a family.  Go to your state or county fait.  Take a summer class to learn a new talent or skill.  Volunteer at a soup kitchen or find ways to serve the homeless or other needy in your community.

The key is to start these activities when your children are young, but it’s not too late for early adolescents or teens, as activities like these provide a break from the daily routine of life, provide wholesome recreation, and build family unity and memories.

~Tami

References:

Benson, E. T. (1988). The teachings of ezra taft benson. (p. 490, 511, 531). Salt Lake City, Utah: Bookcraft.

Smith, J. N. (2001). A season to strengthen the family. (pp. 9-10). Orem, Utah:

Eating Disorders

Eating Disorders

In America, 2 out of every 100 students struggle with an eating disorder. Many individuals who develop an eating disorder are between the ages of 13 and 17 years old. During these years, adolescents experience many emotional and physical changes, greater academic pressure, and a greater amount of peer pressure. When you combine the changes that go on during puberty with the pressure of being like celebrity role models, it is not hard to see why so many adolescents are developing negative views about themselves and developing eating disorders.

Eating disorders are usually developed when one has intense concerns with eating, weight, and/or body image. Eating disorders are more than just dieting to lose weight, the eating behavior is extreme. The two most common eating disorders are anorexia nervosa and bulimia nervosa. Anorexia is when an individual restricts their food intake by dieting, fasting, or through excessive exercise. Bulimia is when an individual eats a lot of food and then tries to compensate by forcing themselves to vomit or excessive exercise. Eating disorders are an important health concern because they give such a negative impact on the physical and psychosocial health of those affected.

Warning Signs to Look For

An individual with anorexia may be obsessed with weight control, weigh them self repeatedly, only eat certain foods, exercise excessively, become very thin, or may withdraw from social activities involving food. The lack of nutrition may affect the body in many ways. Some of these are hair loss, disruption of menstrual cycle, inability to concentrate, and brittle bones.

An individual with bulimia may fear weight gain, regularly use laxatives, feel unhappy with body size or weight, and may go to the restroom immediately following meals. Some problems that can occur from bulimia are constant stomach pains, damage to stomach and kidneys, tooth decay, swollen salivary glands, and disruption of menstrual cycle.

Prevention

Research has indicated that adolescents who perceive family communication, parental caring, and parental expectations as being low are at increased risk for developing eating disorders. Research has also suggested that parental comments about weight and weight-related behaviors may influence their children’s weight-related attitudes and behaviors. It is estimated that 40%-50% of individuals treated for anorexia and 50%-60% of individuals treated for bulimia will make a complete recovery. However, considering the impact it has on the body and the high cost of treatment, it is very important that we try to prevent the eating disorder from taking place at all. 

-Tiffany

Children Who Do Too Little

Children Who Do Too Little By Patricia Sprinkle   

     In the book Children Who Do Too Little, Sprinkle has researched creative ways to assist parents in motivating children to do chores around the house with minimum resistance.  This book refers to chores as “learning skills” and reminds us that in order for a child to become a successful adult, basic skill are best learned in childhood.  The ideas of Dr. Robert Barnes, a family and marriage counselor are shared,  in essence his thoughts are that the delegation of household learning skills lets children know that family life is important, and through these tasks team work is learned.   

          Noteworthy suggestions of this book are to be consistent with expectations, set clear rules and consequences from the start, have a chart as a reminder, teach step by step breaking the chore into smaller pieces, working alongside of your children, and remember to give praise, encouragement and gentle suggestions, it is important not to redo the child’s work, and realize that “no one way is ‘right’ for every family.

          It is common for parents to want to do all the household chores themselves, while allowing children to study, take lessons and play.  The author gives the reminder to “Teach your child a skill today.  A skill is a gift that last forever.”  There are eight areas of learning skills and are worth noting:  personal care, clothing maintenance, Food preparation, lawn maintenance, house maintenance, minor house repairs, budget management and car maintenance. 

     Parents can benefit from the suggestions on how to make the work fun; age appropriate hits consist of games such as “beat the clock”, allowing teens to choose the music while the jobs get done and swapping assignments.

      This book is an easy read, well organized and packed full of practical information on how to teach children responsibility, to one’s self and one’s family that in turn will benefit society as a whole when the child grows up to be a productive responsible  adult.

~Peggy