Book Review: Staying Connected to Your Teenager: how to keep them talking to you & how to hear what they’re really talking about

Author:  Michael Riera, PH.D.

Nothing in a parent’s life is more trying, confusing, and frustrating than raising a teenager.  They are moody, self-centered, and full of mixed messages; at least that’s the way normal, healthy teenagers behave.  That will not change.  As the parent of a teenager, you know all too well that your job entails setting limits, having big talks, enforcing consequences, helping them to learn from their mistakes, and putting them on course for a happy and successful adulthood.  Talk about an exhausting task (p. 1).

I love this introduction!  It says it all!  We as parents have a daunting task ahead of us to help guide these young people through some pretty rough years.  What I really enjoyed about this book is that it is all about connecting to your child.  Riera suggests that the number one complaint of parents of teenagers is the lack of communication.  He offers great insight in to ways we, as parents, can connect and actually learn to enjoy being around our teens.  And believe it or not, your teens may actually, deep inside, want that connection with you.  This book is not about getting your child to bend to your wishes, but to be open-minded in understanding what your child needs from you.  They are trying to be autonomous from you, to think for themselves, but they need reassurance that they are capable of managing their lives and that their parents are there when they need support.  Riera suggests that parents look at their roles as changing from manager to consultant; both very critical roles, but very different.

Sample of topics covered:

           

            *the best time to talk to your teen is on their schedule:  late at night

            *teen sleep patterns

            *adolescent narcissism

*giving up on lectures and advice

*self-esteem through integrity

Conclusion:  I really enjoyed this book.  It flowed very easily, as if you were having an actual conversation with the author.  He uses many examples from issues actual parents have dealt with and written about.  I found myself reliving the teen years of my own children and the issues we dealt with and are continuing to deal with. 

I would highly recommend this book.  It was insightful, well written and easy to associate with.  It was full of suggestions which could easily be incorporated into your interactions with your teens without them thinking something was up.

~Tami