Parenting
at times is challenging, each child is unique in temperament, goals and
abilities. There is never a dull day
when it comes to parenting. Parents are
surprised daily with bugs, snakes, and piercings, but what takes place when a
child reveals a desire for a same sex relationship?
A
rising number of teens are revealing their sexual orientation to their parents
earlier than in previous generations. Declaring
one’s sexuality during adolescents has resulted, for some, in negative consequences
from their family. Gay and lesbian teens
have experienced family violence, rejection and risk of being banished from
their homes. Parents difficulties in
accepting a path from their child that is different from what was expected, can
strain the parent-child relationship, resulting in an increase of suicide,
depression and isolation for the youth (Saltzburg 2004).
Parents describe
thoughts and feelings in regards to the revelation that their adolescent is a
homosexual, these emotions include a sense of loss, guilt, shame,
disappointment, and self reappraisal. Parents
can come to accept their child’s choice and deal with the situation with the
help of support groups and educational programs as they make the adjustment. According to an article, Learning That an Adolescent Child Is Gay or Lesbian: The Parent
Experience, advises that “Maintaining active parenting, open communication,
and regulatory structures are considered critical to healthy adolescent
functioning” (Saltzburg et al 2004).
Learning to
accept your teen’s decision will involve many different emotions and adjustments
in the words of one father, “You prepare for them being teenagers and all that’s
supposed to happen. You plan for when
they’ll start dating and all that, and yeah, it’s exciting to see them grow
up. I guess it has something to do with
yourself and reliving stuff. Everything
has different meaning now. It’s like
nothing will ever be the same. We’ll
look at birthdays, graduations, dreams for a wedding all different now. And it
feels like you’re missing something really big.” (Saltzbury 2004)
Taking a positive
approach to the child’s choice and meeting with others parents, as well as
getting to know people from the gay community can relive some uncertain prejudices.
One must always remember to put the child first and show unconditional love.
Acceptance is
essential when parenting any child, but especially with those who are of the
homosexual orientation. Because being
gay or lesbian is already “unacceptable” in our society, it is important to
give your child the support they need, in order to create an environment of
love where a child feels acceptance and approval.
~ Peggy
Saltzburg,
Susan: Social work, Volume 49, Number 1,
pp. 109- 118, January 2004
4 comments:
Thanks, you have given a lot of good information here. My second oldest and I were talking a few months ago, the conversation did get to me asking him if he was interested in guys or girls. He has not ruled out either one at this point. I told him that I was fine with the choice that he makes either way, just let me know, and all I really want is for him to be happy. He still has not decided or he hasn't told me if he has. Until he does I keep the communication lines open.
I think it truly is important for parents to be supportive of their children regardless of whether they agree with their child's sexual orientation or not. It's not worth losing a relationship with your child over and I think a lot more parents are realizing that now. Thanks for the great post and the helpful tips for parents.
-Sophie
What an eloquent to address this topic. I completely agree with you that acceptance is essential and the key to appraising this topic especially on the home front. Shouldn't our homes be a refuge from the world?
I also really enjoyed your post. I can imagine that for most parents, finding out that their child is homosexual is a shock. I feel that this post better prepared me if I am ever faced with this situation.
-Bergen
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