Book Reviews

Staying Connected to Your Teenager:  how to keep them talking to you & how to hear what they’re really talking about

~Michael Riera, PH.D.

Nothing in a parent’s life is more trying, confusing, and frustrating than raising a teenager.  They are moody, self-centered, and full of mixed messages; at least that’s the way normal, healthy teenagers behave.  That will not change.  As the parent of a teenager, you know all too well that your job entails setting limits, having big talks, enforcing consequences, helping them to learn from their mistakes, and putting them on course for a happy and successful adulthood.  Talk about an exhausting task (p. 1).

I love this introduction!  It says it all!  We as parents have a daunting task ahead of us to help guide these young people through potentially some pretty rough years.  What I really enjoyed about this book is that it is all about connecting to your child.  Riera suggests that the number one complaint of parents of teenagers is the lack of communication.  He offers great insight in to ways we, as parents, can connect and actually learn to enjoy being around our teens.  And believe it or not, your teens may actually, deep inside, want that connection with you.  This book is not about getting your child to bend to your wishes, but to be open-minded in understanding what your child needs from you.  They are trying to be autonomous from you, to think for themselves, but they need reassurance that they are capable of managing their lives and that their parents are there when they need support.  Riera suggests that parents look at their roles as changing from manager to consultant; both very critical roles, but very different.

Sample of topics covered:

           

            *the best time to talk to your teen is on their schedule:  late at night

*teen sleep patterns

*adolescent narcissism

*giving up on lectures and advice

*self-esteem through integrity

Conclusion:  I really enjoyed this book.  It flowed very easily, as if you were having an actual conversation with the author.  He uses many examples from issues actual parents have dealt with and written about.  I found myself reliving the teen years of my own children and the issues we dealt with and are continuing to deal with. 

I would highly recommend this book.  It was insightful, well written and easy to associate with.  It was full of suggestions which could easily be incorporated into your interactions with your teens without them thinking something was up.

~Tami

 
Children Who Do Too Little    By Patricia Sprinkle     

          In the book Children Who Do Too Little, Sprinkle has researched creative ways to assist parents in motivating children to do chores around the house with minimum resistance.  This book refers to chores as “learning skills” and reminds us that in order for a child to become a successful adult, basic skill are best learned in childhood.  The ideas of Dr. Robert Barnes, a family and marriage counselor are shared,  in essence his thoughts are that the delegation of household learning skills lets children know that family life is important, and through these tasks team work is learned.   

          Noteworthy suggestions of this book are to be consistent with expectations, set clear rules and consequences from the start, have a chart as a reminder, teach step by step breaking the chore into smaller pieces, working alongside of your children, and remember to give praise, encouragement and gentle suggestions, it is important not to redo the child’s work, and realize that “no one way is ‘right’ for every family.

          It is common for parents to want to do all the household chores themselves, while allowing children to study, take lessons and play.  The author gives the reminder to “Teach your child a skill today.  A skill is a gift that last forever.”  There are eight areas of learning skills and are worth noting:  personal care, clothing maintenance, Food preparation, lawn maintenance, house maintenance, minor house repairs, budget management and car maintenance. 

          Parents can benefit from the suggestions on how to make the work fun; age appropriate hits consist of games such as “beat the clock”, allowing teens to choose the music while the jobs get done and swapping assignments.

          This book is an easy read, well organized and packed full of practical information on how to teach children responsibility, to one’s self and one’s family that in turn will benefit society as a whole when the child grows up to be a productive responsible  adult.

~Peggy

Inside the Teenage Brain: Parenting a Work in Progress

Author: Sheryl Feinstein

This book would be a fantastic choice for any parent who has or is expecting a teenager. It paints a picture for parents in a way so that they understand. Sheryl Feinstein has her own experiences that she shares throughout the book as well. It is always nice to hear personal experiences from someone who went through the same thing.

One of the main things she returns to in the book is the way in which the teenage brain works. Parents have to understand that the brain of a teenager is a work in progress and are not developed like humans are. Sheryl also points out the fact that teenagers use a different part of the brain to communicate than parents do. This is why teenagers and parents sometimes just do not get one another. She then states that “No wonder their responses were different; their brains function differently!” Before she even stated this I was thinking the very same thing. Sheryl makes you feel like you can raise a teenager and that there are ways in which parents can help their teenagers and help themselves.

The book it designed to give parents situations in which they might run into with their teenager and then has a section called “what should parents do?” after every topic. This section is where Sheryl explains what parents should do if the teenager is showing signs of the preceding topic. This makes it easy for parents to put into perspective what their teenagers are going through and in return helps teach parents to guide their teenager through this very important time of development.

The research provided in the book is outstanding. She basically explains what is going on in the brain of a teenager and provides readers with the studies to back up what is being said. She provides information on studies, interviews, observations, and her very own experiences with her own teenagers. It starts from the source of teenager’s behavior (the brain) and moves from the teenagers perspective to ways parents can deal with these behaviors.

Sheryl Feinstein did a great job with this book. I believe it will benefit many parents in raising their teenagers and help them feel more confident in doing so. Even the way Sheryl speaks to her readers drags them in to want to try what she is suggesting. If you are looking for an easy parenting book that provides you with information as to why your teen is acting a certain way instead of just telling you what to do, this is a book you should read. She has taken brain-based research and turned it into something parents can understand and learn from.
~Kim